esther perel mating in captivity summary

Unfortunately, too many love stories develop in such a way that we sacrifice passion as to achieve stability.

Seeking excitement in the same relationship in which we establish permanence is a tall order. The challenge for modern couples lies in reconciling the need for what is safe and predictable with the wish to pursue what is exciting, mysterious, and awe-inspiring. The real questions are these: Can we have love and desire in the same relationship over time? How? What exactly would that kind of relationship be? But in my experience, this is often not the case. The underlying assumption is that if we can improve the relationship, the sex will follow. Seen this way, the sexual relationship is a metaphor for the overall relationship. In my field, we are taught to inquire about the state of the union first and then ask how this is manifested in the bedroom. “As a couple’s therapist, I have inverted the usual therapeutic priorities. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin Her newest book is the New York Times bestseller The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity (HarperCollins). Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views and her international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence became a global phenomenon translated into 25 languages. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships.

As Esther says - “ The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.“įor folks who don’t know Esther, she is a Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author. We need to learn the fundamentals and philosophy to enter into relationships or enhance our existing relationships. I contacted Esther’s team to get the permission to publish 300 words from the book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence so that I can spread the word and help people build a deep meaningful relationships and desire for more. We get to learn to dance between separateness and closeness. Too much of closeness in a relationship can cause temporary boredom. I think “too much” of anything isn’t good in any area of life. Too much closeness can dissipate the desire. This book has been the revelation for me to understand the significance of separateness to create desire. This book clearly explains how to create different levels of “Intimacy” and “Desire”.

Her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence is a must read for anyone single, already in relationship, or anyone in between. The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.

Esther perel mating in captivity summary